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News

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > america-descends-into-mourning-upon-news-that-harry-and-meghan-are-leaving

America Descends Into Mourning Upon News That Harry And Meghan Are Leaving

3+ week, 3+ day ago   (155+ words) U.S. — The United States of America plunged into collective sorrow and mourning yesterday upon learning the devastating news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle would be moving back to England. Citizens wept openly in the streets, wondering how America would be…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > desantis-explains-to-newsom-secret-to-counting-ballots-in-one-night-is-not-committing-fraud

DeSantis Explains To Newsom Secret To Counting Ballots In One Night Is Not Committing Fraud

3+ week, 4+ day ago   (45+ words) TALLAHASSEE, FL — After an election night in which the Sunshine State successfully tallied all its votes within hours of the polls closing, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis explained to California Governor Gavin Newsom that the secret to counting ballots in one…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > mormon-teen-takeover-leaves-three-new-houses-built-for-homeless

Mormon Teen Takeover Leaves Three New Houses Built For Homeless

3+ week, 6+ day ago   (32+ words) PROVO, UT — A mob of local Mormon teenagers engaging in the popular internet trend of staging a "takeover" reportedly left three new houses built for the homeless in its wake....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > top-10-reasons-to-move-to-california

Top 10 Reasons To Move To California

1+ mon, 5+ day ago   (42+ words) With the population of California diminishing of late, we at The Babylon Bee are here to help turn the tide. Here are just ten of the many great reasons why you should turn that U-Haul around and head to the…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > chipotle-cashier-tells-customer-theres-an-extra-charge-for-no-salmonella

Chipotle Cashier Tells Customer There's An Extra Charge For No Salmonella

1+ mon, 1+ week ago   (35+ words) CHICAGO, IL — One local customer was caught off guard by a new policy at his favorite restaurant chain, as the Chipotle cashier told the man that there would be an extra charge for no Salmonella....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > ancient-man-regales-children-with-tale-about-how-value-tacos-at-del-taco-used-to-be-29-cents

Ancient Man Regales Children With Tale About How Value Tacos At Del Taco Used To Be 29 Cents

1+ mon, 1+ week ago   (263+ words) OCEANSIDE, CA — An ancient, wizened sage from a bygone era gathered a group of fascinated children around his knee to recount the Legend of the 29-cent Del Taco Value Taco. "Gather round, children," instructed Matt Johnson to a group of…...

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > the-babylon-bees-woman-of-the-year-is-elliot-page

The Babylon Bee's Woman Of The Year Is Elliot Page

1+ mon, 2+ week ago   (14+ words) The Babylon Bee has selected Elliot Page as its annual Woman of the Year....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > hollywood-holds-hearings-to-root-out-suspected-non-communists

Hollywood Holds Hearings To Root Out Suspected Non-Communists

1+ mon, 2+ week ago   (34+ words) LOS ANGELES, CA — At the request of Hollywood executives, the California state government opened an inquiry into possible infiltration of the film industry by honest God-fearing, law-abiding American citizens who reject Communism....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > new-jersey-blames-slight-software-glitch-for-accidentally-enrolling-entire-country-of-bolivia-as-voters

New Jersey Blames 'Slight Software Glitch' For Enrolling Entire Country Of Bolivia As Voters

1+ mon, 3+ week ago   (36+ words) TRENTON, NJ — Concerns about election integrity in the United States were once again brought to the public's attention, as New Jersey blamed a "slight software glitch" for accidentally enrolling the entire country of Bolivia as voters....

The Babylon Bee
babylonbee.com > news > we-would-never-rig-an-election-announces-president-xi-after-again-winning-100-of-vote

'We Would Never Rig An Election,' Announces President Xi After Again Winning 100% Of Vote

1+ mon, 3+ week ago   (32+ words) BEIJING — Fresh off once again winning the election in China with a remarkable 100% of the vote, President Xi Jinping assured Americans that he would never do anything to rig an election....